Looking for a Job in IT? The Definitive List of Requirements

Here’s a 5 Step Guide for those wanting to break into the IT industry to do support, these I would say, are absolute 100% needed skills and this is what I would be looking for if hiring. These skills outweigh any qualification you might currently have, so sorry to say but that 2 year diploma you spent studying for is rather useless as you will soon see….

• Candidate must have supreme Googling skills, this instantly gives you Godlike powers with the ability to fix any problem on any platform. Without this much needed skill you probably won’t last a day, and your co-workers will ridicule you, call you names and tell you that you smell funny, yes, just like back in High School.
• Candidate must have no problem donning a flame retardant suit, this is for your own protection against a pandemic known as IWAQS or “Idiot with a Question Syndrome”. The workplace is a treacherous environment and could be quite toxic to your IQ. The amoebas that swarm around you when you make an appearance will try to impart their infectious lack of IQ on you, some might call these Amoebas co-workers but that would clearly be wrong. Don’t be deterred by this, this is why you have a special suit and it will protect you. The flame retardant suit has been designed by secret agencies to absorb anything that resembles an IQ of 10 or below and you will not take any damage.
• Candidate must have excellent verbal communication, you want to make sure you only have to explain the solution to a problem once, but you will soon see that this is a fantasy, a mere pipe-dream and you will soon wish upon the point below:
• Candidate must have a powerful voice or a voice that will never tire from telling users how to fix the printer for the 23rd time or how to map a network drive for the 107th time. Users operate in this fashion, this is their default mode and love to be told again and again and again…and again…and sometimes again how to solve the most basic of problems, this makes them happy drones. Sometimes employing a whip, or baseball bat will help the users to remember how to fix the problem themselves.
• This leads onto the next required skill, and that is the candidate needs to have excellent selective hearing. This will help you prioritize your workday when worker-bees from all departments descend on your office/cube, each trying to persuade you that their problem is the absolute highest priority to fix and that the world will indeed end and the second coming of Christ will occur if you don’t attend to it, the fact that the problem relates to them deleting their own network share has nothing to do with this.

Turn the users incompetence into a powerful driving force, use their strength against them! You will now succeed.