The Art of Looking Busy

I’m a hacker, a life hacker so to speak, I’m always looking for ways to beat the system, to overcome restrictions and conformity imposed by others. This curiosity operates automatically on a sub-conscious level, I don’t even have to think about it, it’s simply an always-on passive skill, I’ll almost always instantly pick up on ways to break the system. I find it appealing to have the sort of knowledge that if acted upon could land me up in jail but I’m smart and I know what’s good for my health if you know what I’m saying. I’m not going to do something stupid, that being said…

One of the ways you can break the day-to-day system is by making effective use of a trivial soft-skill known as ‘The Art of Looking Busy’, it’s a godsend in high stress environments — the ability to constantly appear to be busy no matter what your workload. This is the unsung hero of the workplace. Why would you want to constantly appear to be busy? Two reasons, so that people feel guilty laying on more work for you (and a lot of the time they won’t give you the work) and so that when you finish the work on time you receive praises from high heaven because you managed to fit in their work on time. You see, it’s all about the strategy that you play, working is like playing a game, you have your Ace cards that can be dealt at critically advantageous times. They can get you out of all kinds of trouble….well, and work.

Here’s a few key principle to remember:

• Walking in a hurried pace from point A to point B could be construed by a 3rd party that you’re on a mission, you have something important to see to and interrupting you would be the worst move they can make. This skill can be further accentuated with some self-induced rapid breathing, throw in some flailing of limbs and hand gestures and perhaps pretend to be talking on a cellphone and you’re well on your way to being a certified slacker.
• Your look of concentration, this is very important. Sitting in el cubico all day can really beat down on your health, especially if you’re constantly bombarded with requests from other people. Sometimes the simplest things tend to be the most effective. Staring at your monitor with an intense look of concentration can yield rewarding results, unbeknownst to you you’re squinting eyes, lowered-perhaps-angry eyebrows, compressed lips and occasional hand on the chin maneuvers have just saved you from 3 hours of work. You just received the award for best acting in a supporting role.
• Posture, this can speak loads about your state of mind. Hunched over your desk, head forward resting on tented hands, elbows on desk reveals to others that you’re no slacker, you’re intensely focussed on something of exceeding importance, more important than their oh so urgent request that the printer needs new toner.
• Talking to oneself, a good friend of mine pointed this one out to me and I think it needs to be explored further. Having your mouth silently move as if you’re reciting the works of Shakespeare can assist your slacking ‘tude in ways you have yet to comprehend. When others see you like this they will be less inclined to bother you. This skill is most effective if you’re seen through a window in a closed office.
• Facial Expressions, this skill alone can be a life saver and can be used literally everywhere and at any time. The advantage with this is that you can be walking down corridor A (hurried might I add) not wanting to be bothered by expressing great distress in your face then upon entering corridor B, said distress magically disappears and a friendly calm demeanour befalls you before you get to the token hot chicks office.

There are many other unmentioned skills but if you use these wisely you will be a slacker master yet young padawan learner! Now bow to your sensei!